Something Witchy: A Sabrina the Teenage Witch Rewatch

3.15: Grab Your Machete and Call It a Cutlass

Break out the rum and let the pirates out of your basement! It's time to recap Season 3 Episode 15 "Sabrina and the Pirates." We start off strong with a discussion about catnip alcohol and it only gets more nonsensical from there.Sabrina gets fake IDs for her and Valerie so they can sneak into an *NSYNC concert (we don't blame them) but that causes Sabrina's magic to become fake. Hilda and Zelda are trying to rehabilitate pirates that have been trapped in their basement for the past 100 years and Hilda gets stabbed at least twice. And poor Salem has to put the family secret board back together multiple times when it keeps breaking. Eventually Sabrina comes clean about her illegal activity and has her magic restored just in time to save her aunts.Listen to the episode to find out how Skye reacted to the reveal of the family secret board (hint: it doesn't go well) as well as some more SWORD FACTS!

3.14: Don't Force Me to Feel Bad for Mr. Kraft!

[Mariah Carey voice] It's TIIIIIIIIME! Skye finally finds out why they have a sticky note that says "Mr. Kraft. Wife. Has one." And BOY does Mr. Kraft have a whopper of an ex-wife.In Season 3 Episode 14 "Mrs. Kraft," Mr. Kraft moves in with the Spellmans which is the worst thing that has ever happened to Sabrina, or so it seems to her. Somehow Hilda manages to actually be mature about the whole thing...for a while. Eventually both she and Sabrina snap and zap in Mr. Kraft's ex in an attempt to break up him and Zelda. This plan backfires (of course) when it's revealed that the former Mrs. Kraft is actually a witch! Shenanigans ensue that actually cause us to feel...empathy...for Mr. Kraft???Besides those horrors, Salem is training a dog to get meat from its butcher owner and we get a few new camera angles, as a treat. At the end, we're still wondering: would we get back with one of our terrible exes to escape the Infinite Horror?
(PS: Should we buy frozenslushy.com?)

3.13: You Can't Change a Man!

Do you love Sheryl Lee Ralph? Then have we got an episode for you! In Season 3 Episode 13, "What Price Harvey?," she guest stars as cousin Zsa Zsa and helps Sabrina give Harvey a little extra ambition. This leads Harvey to becoming the ultimate supervillain billionaire who just discovered "THE" internet and Sabrina has to find a way to give him some perspective.
While Sabrina's boyfriend is tearing down Westbridge High, the aunts swap personalities for a few days to better understand each other and Salem turns invisible. We also get through some outdated references that clearly the writers inserted from their own youth, ignoring the fact that kids in the 90s would never get it. And we continue to blame Salem for why the world is just *gestures wildly.*

3.12: All Cats are Definitely Catholic

Sabrina ignores her aunts' warning not to cast charitable magic spells. She does so anyway. Chaos ensues, as per usual. This time her target is Valerie. Valerie's mom makes a wish on a wishbone that Valerie would be like Sabrina (harsh!). The wish is granted and pretty soon Valerie has magical powers! Meanwhile, Salem ropes Hilda into a moneymaking scheme involving art that predictably goes awry.
Listen in as we "riffle" through Season 3 Episode 12, "Who's So-Called Life Is It Anyway?" (Or is it rifle?) Some questions we ponder: What is Salem's screenplay about? Where did that wishbone come from? Do you remember the PBS show Wishbone? What is art? At the end of the day, Valerie needs therapy and maybe so do we after this episode.

3.11: I'm Sorry, Robot Overlords

Sabrina erases Christmas. Laura is a reindeer. Skye is a lizard. It's just a normal week here at Something Witchy when we recap Season 3 Episode 11 "Christmas Amnesia."
Sabrina is being a Grinch (again?) and this time actually makes Christmas disappear. She has to find a way to bring back the Christmas spirit to those around her or risk losing it forever, just as we've lost Bobunk. Eventually Sabrina realizes that the true meaning of Christmas is spending it with those you love, which is something you can cherish all year long.
Laura and Skye start this festive episode off strong with a very wild tangent about Utah! the musical, as well as other Utah-specific media from the 90s. There's also debate on when witches are and are not affected by spells and which lunch meat sandwiches would be served with ketchup on them. So sit back, relax, "take a pill, smoke a joint, drink some alcohol," and enjoy this week's episode.

3.10: We Don't Like That Kind of Phishing

We're watching a teen sitcom that takes place in 1998 so OF COURSE it's time for an episode about how true beauty is on the inside. Cousin Susie comes to visit in Season 3 Episode 10 "Sabrina and the Beast" and decides Sabrina is too obsessed with appearances. Sabrina has to learn to look deeper as Harvey slowly becomes more beast than man. While this is happening, Salem and Hilda are being attacked by an evil treadmill that takes over the house (also a cautionary tale to avoid AI exercise equipment) and Zelda tries to solve world hunger once and for all.In case that's not enough of a reason to listen, tune in to find out why we said the words "Snaggletooth Cutlass" and "Barnacle Landlubber." Plus learn about the history of the decathlon and get some kudzu chatter.

3.09: Sabrina the Middle-Aged Witch

It's time to figure out what goes on inside Libby's head...literally. It's an episode reminiscent of everyone's favorite Magic School Bus adventure when Sabrina and Salem take a trip up Libby's nose and into her brain in Season 3 Episode 9 "Nobody Nose Libby Like Sabrina Knows Libby." The best way to describe this episode is with the phrase "drippy snot dangle."But we're not just talking about Libby's inner workings. We discuss the theory that all witches are actually alien visitors from another galaxy and the songs we would want to be played for us when we have dementia. Somehow we manage to tie it all together, as always.

3.08: Gotta Get Down for Pi Day

Wow, this is such an honor. We'd like to thank the Academy for recognizing our hard work. We'd like to thank all the little people who helped us reach this milestone of recapping 3.8: "And the Sabrina Goes To..." We couldn't have made it here without each and everyone of you. We'd also like to thank our families, friends, and cats who have supported us throughout this journey (maybe not so much the cats).Enough of that. We don't want to get too full of ourselves (like Sabrina does in this episode). While Sabrina's busy accepting awards of herself, Zelda is trying to rule as "Rincess" while waging war against Emperor Larry, with plenty of "help" from Salem. At the end, everyone gets a piece of humble pie - just in time for Pi Day in our world! 

S2 Bonus: Do You Want to Pick the Next Episode Title?

It's a bonus episode! Join us as we review the Sabrina soundtrack that was released in 1998 by Geffen Records (Laura got it for Christmas '98!). This CD is packed with hits from big names like Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, and...Pure Sugar? Maybe all the songs aren't complete hits but it's a perfect time capsule of late 90s pop music. Plus we get a bonus clue to the family secret!

3.07: The Patron Saint of Technology

Salem’s latest bad habit spirals out of control in You Bet Your Family when his gambling streak results in Sabrina, Hilda, and Zelda being lost in a poker game to the very shady Diamond Dave. As the Spellman family faces magical servitude, Sabrina races to fix Salem’s mistake before it’s too late. We unpack the episode’s chaos while also sharing our own gambling experiences, diving into medieval illnesses (as one naturally does), and exploring how different witches develop their own unique methods of casting magic. Between magical debts and high-stakes consequences, this episode proves that when Salem bets big, everyone else pays the price.